Metro - One Girl's Opinion

Do you like them buffed or not? No, I didn’t say “BUFF” as in muscularly built. (If I had, then the answer is a great big HELL YES, GIVE ME SOME MORE PLEASE!) But I’m referring to a guy’s fingernails. Ala the Metro-sexual…


Just so we are all on the same page, from Merriam-Webster.com:

Main Entry: met•ro•sex•u•al

Pronunciation: \ˌme-trə-ˈsek-sh(ə-)wəl, -ˈsek-shəl\

Function: noun

Etymology: metropolitan + -sexual (as in heterosexual)

Date: 1994

: a usually urban heterosexual male given to enhancing his personal appearance by fastidious grooming, beauty treatments, and fashionable clothes


I would like to point out that there is a big difference between a guy having good hygiene (showering, shaving, keeping his fingernails clean and non-jagged) and a guy who gets manicures with clear polish, pedicures, eyebrow waxing, maybe even back and chest waxing, spa facials, etc. on a regular basis.


There are men who severely need some of the above treatments. I can personally think of more than one man in my acquaintance that appears to have mammoth-sized wooly caterpillars sporting afro’s growing on his brow. Maybe guys think they look more intelligent (see: Albert Einstein) like this, but mostly I think it’s because they cringe at the thought of tweezers or hot wax coming anywhere near their face. These men could definitely do with an eyebrow waxing! Come on guys, we girls do it all the time, you can handle an eyebrow waxing, it’s not that bad! And while you’re at it, please, get rid of the excess hair coming out of your ears and nose too!


The same with a manicure or pedicure, if a guy has horrible nails, especially if they are in-grown… we girls won’t think you less manly if you get a professional to help fix the issue, we might actually appreciate not getting cut by your jagged toenails and scraped by your rough calluses when we warm our cold feet on yours at night when snuggled up in bed. In fact, most girls have come to realize that pedicures are one of life’s most exquisite pleasures. But most men would not dream of getting a pedicure, especially not in a (gasp!) public salon. Someone might see them!

On the other hand… I do think this trend toward male grooming can be carried too far. My personal preference is very “masculine” men. Rugged. Big build. Muscular. Slightly rough around the edges. Football player or “strongman” competitor variety. Facials and pedicures and waxings… don’t really fit well with this type. I can’t really picture my favorite Denver Bronco Defensive Lineman sitting in a spa with cucumber slices on his closed eyes and a green avocado mask smeared on his face while one person buffs his fingernails and another person paints a coat of clear polish on his newly trimmed and massaged toes. It would ruin the whole image for me.

 

So, guys, girls…. Metro or not? Where do you draw the line?

Extreme Makeover

It’s a universal truth even if women don’t want to admit it – we see “potential” in men and date/court that, not necessarily the reality of the man before us. I don’t blame men for resenting that. But women will invest their time and attention in men whom we consider to have the potential to be what we are looking for. It may be how they dress, do their hair, the interests they have cultivated etc but the honest truth is that most women see a man and measure what could be, not the current status quo.




It’s not a case of loving someone the way they are. We can delude ourselves that we do…but the truth is – there are things we want to change about you guys.



You would be a great catch if only you…



1. Dressed better

2. Got a good hair cut

3. Invested in a good skin care line

4. Changed the kind of music you listen to

5. Worked out just a little

6. Quit watching Star Trek

7. Threw out the comic books

8. Had different friends

9. Drove a great car

10. Read a book



You get the idea. Of course this list varies with each girl according to our values, our taste, and the image we want to present to our friends. Because make no mistake – how our friends view you is incredibly important to us. You will not be appreciated if you ruin our “rep” with our best girlfriends. You see, we have an image of ourselves that we want other people to see. If you don’t fall in line with that, well, there’s only one of two things that can happen. You either change to conform to our image or you’re not affiliated with us anymore. Simple as that.



So yeah… Guys, there’s a reason we want to change you. You have to be compatible with our self image, our persona. If you don’t enhance that projection of ourselves then we just aren’t too sure we can let our name be linked to yours. This is why women will introduce a very good looking guy to their friends quickly, because that man enhances our rep, even if he is a jerk and treats us bad. But we will be slow and loathe to introduce our new beau who is the best, greatest guy in the world who treats us like gold …except he needs a new wardrobe and to be introduced into the 21st century, and steered gently to get rid of his obsession with Babylon 6 and clear out all the accumulated years of Star Wars action figures and directed to a more attractive “Mad Men” style of coolness prior to being publicly acknowledged by us as someone significant in our lives.



Girls, have you ever had a friend suddenly become all secretive about the new guy they are dating? It’s probably because they are early in the “my fair lady” makeover process. They don’t want you to meet the new guy until the “Steve Urkel” has been transformed into Johnny Depp.

This rule doesn’t hold as true for the long time couples. All a girl has to do there is avoid introducing the spouse or significant other and allow them to be a nebulous entity better left to the imagination. No one questions it, it works fine.



But when the relationship is new, our current and long standing friends who know us well will want to meet our new man. AND THEY WILL HAVE AN OPINION! And we don’t want that opinion to be negative. So we will be tempted to see if we can rent a Robert Downey Jr. look-alike.



Is this desire of women to change a man wrong? Yes of course! But it’s a fact of life. Women want their guy to be a credit to them, not make them pitied by friends. So the next time you start dating a girl and she oh so tactfully suggests you would look so great in this kind of shirt or if you wore that kind of pants or if you did your hair this cool new way… take it with a grain of salt. She sees your value, she just wants her girlfriends to do so also. Make her proud, bite the bullet. Embrace the makeover she is about to give you. You might find out you like it.

FWB's - The Quandry

Friends with benefits (FWB's). Sticky subject. I'm curious how my blog readers feel about this type relationship, so be sure to weigh in at the end with your thoughts and comments.




Just to make sure we are all on the same page, here is what I am referring to as an FWB relationship. Two people meet, like each other, but for whatever reason (and believe me, there are many!) there is reason to not jump into a traditional "dating with a view to creating something serious and long term" relationship.



One reason might be that one (or both) parties recently got out of a long term relationship and aren't ready or willing to get into another one immediately. Or maybe it's obvious that something long term won't work between the two of you, that maybe too much time spent together would not be advisable. Or possibly the other person doesn't have some of the "must have's" you want for a relationship partner, but you have great physical chemstry... The variables are endless.



The real question here is, is having this type of relationship a good or a bad thing? It's really hard for me to say!



One plus is, hey life is short, and just because you havent found Mr. or Ms. Right-For-You, does that mean you should have to remain celibate until you do? A FWB surely is better than random One Night Stands just because you have needs. Another plus is that it COULD possibly turn into more than just friends, down the road, as things change. Unlikely but possible. It could even be a good thing if having an FWB prevented you from feeling overly desperate for a physical relationship and may help you choose more rationally and logically your choice of a more permanent life partner, rather than a decision fueled by raging horomones.



But here are a few negatives... Is it really a friend or is it just about the benefits? Sometimes this kind of arrangement can leave you feeling "used", especially when the only time you see or hear from them is when they want sex. Other times it could happen that one person may develop feelings that are much deeper than friendship for the other and if it isn't mutual, it's almost always a recipe for disaster and heartbreak. And sometimes, because your sexual needs are being met, you give off a vibe of unavailability to those who are potential "Long-term relationship" suitors, which sabotages your future. And dont forget the potential problem that when you do meet someone great, when/if they find out you have this kind of relationship with someone else, they get upset and dont want to see you anymore.



So now its on you, the reader... What is your take? Has anyone had a really successful FWB story that you'd like to share? A really terrible one?
 
*note - I originally posted this on Facebook only and it generated a massive amount of responses.  I highly suggest checking the blog post on there and reading the comments as the readers were highly vociferous.  The direct link to this discussion is Here

Bringing sexy back

Have you ever known someone who wasn’t actually very good looking, maybe they were overweight, didn’t dress the greatest, etc. and yet they attract the opposite sex like mad? It’s hard to figure out when you are looking at them thinking…what is it they have that I don’t? Especially when feature by feature you score higher in every category.




Recently I was discussing this phenomenon with a guy friend I know who read my prior blog post about bad teeth and he brought up that he had a friend who was always literally dirty. He worked as a mechanic and consistently had black grease under his nails, oily hair, not the best hygiene, dressed in torn t shirts and ratty worn out jeans, and had a ripe air of body odor surrounding him, yet women flocked around him constantly. My friend was baffled by it, because he is a very well kempt, nice looking, well dressed, mannerly guy and yet…no such similar effect on women.



I have two theories on this. #1.I really do think we exude pheromones, just like moths and other animals, that attract others to us, and some people reek of them more than others, especially at different times in our body cycles. Not to be crass but I swear, men can tell when I am so horny I am about ready to jump on anything with a Y chromosome. I’m not acting any different, I don’t look any different. Yet somehow I am sending a signal that says “Take me now!” and men respond to that unspoken signal like I’m the pied piper of Hamlin. Ok, now that I have just turned 8 shades of red blushing that I actually wrote this for public consumption… moving on.



My second theory is that attraction is not as dependent on physical beauty as you might think, but is instead related to that complex amalgamation (like my 50 cent word choice today?) of factors that become what I like to call “Mojo”. Some people have it. Some people don’t. It’s a mix of self confidence, sassy attitude, sex appeal, disdain for others opinions, ego and swagger. It’s irresistible. It’s an unspoken message that you are in for a merry ride if you dare, and that taunt, that lure, is a heady thrill. And when you have that “Mojo” you are that glowing white luminous bug zapper that innocent, unsuspecting insects everywhere get ensnared by.



Now imagine someone who IS physically beautiful who also has “Mojo”… devastating. They are the Marilyn Monroe’s, the George Clooney’s of the world. For the rest of us mere mortals, if we don’t have film star looks, we better start finding our “Mojo”.

When Harry Met Sally – or Can Men and Women Really Be Just Friends?

This topic seems to have generated much interest – and it is an interesting subject, isn’t it? So without further ado… my answer to the question of whether men and women can ever be “just” friends (meaning a friendship with ZERO sexual interest or sexual elements involved), is in a nutshell, “No.”

Now before you start screaming and protesting and telling your personal stories about why I’m wrong…(which I want you to do, don’t get me wrong here!) but before you do, hear me out why I state unequivocally No.



First I want to clarify three things before launching deep into this topic.



#1. I am addressing this topic from a heterosexual viewpoint only. I can tell this blog post is already going to be way too long. If I threw that factor in there also, it might never end.



#2. I am discussing friendships here, not any and every interaction a man and woman may have. Friendships carry the connotation that you like each other and have forged some sort of bond or relationship with each other that entails more than just a passing “hello” or time spent in the same room with a group of mutual acquaintances.



#3. I wholeheartedly believe men and women can be friends without getting sexually involved with each other.



Yes you heard me right on #3, and no, I didn’t just contradict myself from what I said at the top of the page. There is a huge difference between having sexual undertones in a friendship and being sexually involved with each other. You can love chocolate chip cookies and there might be a chocolate chip cookie on the table. But the logic doesn’t follow that you MUST eat the cookie on the table. (unless you are PMS’ing, then we might concede that yes you HAVE to)

Another thing, I didn’t say the sexual connotations in male/female friendships were always mutual. I have had many, many male friends that I wouldn’t even dream of getting naked under the sheets with and find even the thought rather repulsive. But they don’t think the thought of it is repulsive. In fact, quite a few friendships start out that way, where one party is very attracted to the other party, but its completely one sided. In an attempt to “win the other person over” a friendship is formed, and even after all hope of reciprocation is gone, the friendship ties remain.



Think about every opposite sex friend you’ve ever had. I am one of “those” types of girls who has always gravitated more towards male friends than female friends so I have a big pool of opposite sex friendships to examine. I have been friends with married guys, single guys, older guys, younger guys, and everything in between. But with every single one of them, there is something about that person that I find attractive. It may be one person’s wit, common interests that I have with another, and the third’s easy going attitude. But underneath all of them, my estrogen is talking to his testosterone in some fashion and our chemistry allows our personalities to mesh in a way where we enjoy our interactions together.



It’s a natural thing. Little girls form bonds with their daddies and little boys gravitate towards their moms. It’s the most natural, sweetest, most innocent form of sexual attraction at its finest. And that sexual chemistry affects us in every opposite sex relationship we have. Sometimes the chemistry is so faint its almost non existent, and sometimes it’s so strong other people in the same room can feel it between you. The stronger it is, the harder it is to not “eat the cookie.”



Well, I’ve stated my case. I don’t feel like you can ever completely remove the estrogen/testosterone chemical reaction from the friendship. But a bigger question to me is…why would you even want to?



As an aside…

Most people have never heard one of my favorite songs from musician Lou Reed, its called My Love is Chemical…

When I see the way you paint your lips

and I smell your perfume

when I see the brand new color

that you've dyed your hair, too

I know, you know, it's more than physical

My love, my love, my love, love is chemical

She's just not that into you

Does anyone else have a problem dumping people? I mean I really, really suck at it apparently.


Sounds stupid I know, but the reality is, when you are single and in the dating world, you will meet people who become very attracted to you, whom you are not attracted to back. And the problem is…how do you let them know that without feeling mean or bad or shallow or worse...?


My scenario played out like this… I met a guy, (we will refer to him as Barry, only because I don’t actually know anyone named Barry. If there is anyone out there reading this who is named Barry, I apologize in advance for the slur I’m about to cast on your name) and he asked me out and I accepted. Our date was the usual, dinner and drinks. The date went just ok. Nothing terrible, nothing terrific. But Barry was crazy about me! He called me the next day, he called me the day after, he asked and asked and asked and I finally said yes I would go out with him again. I know, I know, that was my first mistake! But strangely, we had a really good second date. The rapport was better, he was more relaxed, we went and did something fun, not just staring each other down in a restaurant. I still wasn’t sold on him, but it went well enough that when he asked me if he could make me dinner the following weekend, I agreed.


That’s when things started unraveling. Barry called me twice a day every day till the agreed on Saturday night dinner. Good God! I never called him once, he called me. That should have been a signal to him right off the bat, but he wasn’t paying attention to that.


When I arrived at his house for dinner, Barry was in the kitchen cooking. He had set up a romantic table for two as best he could, given the bachelor apartment and college dorm-style furniture. (You think I jest? He had set up a rickety card table with a sheet over it as a tablecloth along with mismatched dishes, mismatched silverware and candles and flowers in the middle of the living room squeezed in between the giant TV and broken down old couch!) He made spaghetti and meatballs (note to guys, BAD date food, no possible way to eat this neatly) and somehow managed to undercook the noodles and overcook the sauce. He had bought the worst cheap red wine…something close to the flavor and price of Mad Dog 20/20 I swear, and nearly caught the place on fire toasting some French bread under the broiler.


Had we been further into a relationship, where we knew each other well enough to relax, kick back, laugh about it, order a pizza instead, then it wouldn’t have been so bad, but for only the third date, it was excruciatingly awkward. The evening got worse. As we sat crammed at the makeshift table eating, he started talking about his vision for our future, which included telling me how long he thought we should date before getting married and what names he favored for our three upcoming unborn children. No, I am not joking! About this time, if you had been a fly on the wall, you would have witnessed an immediate “deer in the headlights” look come into my eyes and a sudden and overwhelming desire to run out of the apartment screaming like a little girl and never look back.


When I got home I called him and told him the usual lines…things were moving too fast, I just wasn’t ready, etc. Nothing got through to him. For days he called every day, and every day I said no, I don’t want to go out with you.


After about a week, he showed up unannounced at my door. I’m a nice person, I hate to hurt people’s feelings and I had been trying to dump him nicely but by this time I had realized he wasn’t listening to nice. So I told him basically to “get the hell away from me” straight and strong, eye to eye. Two days later he’s at my front door again. This time I don’t answer. The next day I had an email from him saying he “happened to drive by” and saw my car wasn’t there and wanted to know where I was. There was no “just happening to drive by” my house. I lived 2 miles back at the very far rear of a one entrance/no exit neighborhood where it was impossible to just “drive by” on your way somewhere. Every couple days I would get a phone call or email from him saying he “drove by” yet again and wanted to know where I was. Yes, I had a full fledged stalker on my hands.


Eventually he tapered off and quit driving by every day. About once a month I would get a beseeching email or voicemail begging me to reconsider (THANK YOU whom ever invented caller ID!). Finally, eventually it all ceased. That was about 6 years ago. Last summer, out of the blue, I received an email from him telling me that he has moved back north near his family, that he still loves me (yes you heard right, only 3 dates and 5 years later, and he still LOVES me) and hopes that I will someday reconsider, so here’s all his latest contact info just in case.  I am considering signing up for the witness protection program now.


Ok, so I know I made several wrong moves in this situation, but really, was I so bad at it that I deserved a stalker? Rejecting a guy is hard, how do you girls out there do it? Guys, how would you prefer to hear the bad news?

Bad Boys Bad Boys, What'cha Gonna Do?

Last week I received a private message from one of my male loyal blog readers. After lots of gratuitous compliments and flatteries (a wise man indeed!), he asked me why women are always attracted to bad boys. I think an unspoken and implied ending to that question was also there asking “…and what can a nice guy do to become one?”




Ah, the age old dilemma… ask any woman what she wants in a man and she will invariably tell you she wants someone who respects her, treats her well, who loves her for herself etc. But time and again the nice guy who sits patiently, catering to her every need, attentive to her every wish and command is relegated to “just friend” status when she finds herself smitten with the newest bad boy on the block and Mr. Nice Guy ends up being the shoulder she cries on as she desperately waits by the phone for the Bad Boy’s promised call.



So exactly what is it about this guy that can generate such interest from her, while the guy who is everything she said she wants gets kicked to the side?

Guys, pay attention, here are some of the major reasons:



1. Confidence

Bad boys have boatloads of confidence, they reek of it, in fact they can be downright arrogant, and like it or not, that’s an aphrodisiac. This confidence also tends to manifest itself in dangerous activities. Bad Boys drive motorcycles or racecars or jump out of planes. They live life in the fast lane and show no fear.



2. Looks

I am not saying all bad boys are good looking, often they aren’t. But they ALWAYS act like they are and they know how to carry themselves, how to highlight what women will notice, they generally are very masculine, and usually appear to take care of themselves physically. Part of this may be that bad boys are not usually “white collar professionals.” They do hard manual labor, and the same strength and enthusiasm that they expend at work, they apply to play also.

3. They Don’t Play by the Rules

Generally bad boys make up their own rules. They don’t feel an obligation to fit the norm, to conform, to play nice in the sandbox with others. They are natural leaders and have the courage to be different. This is part of what makes them such magnetic personalities, it’s also what makes them frustrating. They won’t feel an obligation to call when they say they will. They don’t feel like its wrong to use a girl and then drop her like a hot potato as soon as someone else catches their attention. They don’t feel like a relationship is something to be sought after.



4. Sexual Chemistry

Bad boys generate it, nice guys, not so much. Picture a little boy asking a little girl if he can carry her books to school. – Yes, Yes it’s cute. But now picture a little boy running up behind the little girl, yanking her pigtails, calling her names and running away… That’s the little boy who sparks the little girl’s interest. He engaged her in an unusual way which made her notice him more. He stood out from all the other boys in his approach. He gave her attention and then…HE RAN AWAY! Mysterious. Intriguing. Hard to get. (see next item)



5. The Thrill of the Chase

Let’s face it, we all want what we can’t have or can’t easily get. Rare things such as gold or jewels are held in much higher value than common place items. Nice guys give compliments effusively and constantly and therefore they mean little to us. Nice guys offer up themselves to be used (Need help moving? I’ll be right there! Need someone to change your oil in your car? Let me please!) without asking for much, if anything in return. Bad boys don’t give girls compliments or offer to drop everything to help a girl in need, in fact they generally ignore us. They make us chase them. They make us work to get their attention. And the harder we have to work to get it, the more exciting and valuable it seems to be when we do achieve it, and then guess what? It’s GONE again! Ah yes, the bad boy leads us on a merry little chase and can never quite be caught.



There is so much more to discuss about this subject…Girls, what is your take on the issue of “Bad Boys” vs. “Nice Guys”? The movies would have you believe that if the nice guy is just patient enough, the girl will reject the bad boy and come back to the nice guy in the end. I say Bull$hit! What do you think? Guys?