But still, only one true possibility in 7 years? I did some introspection on what I am looking for, what I felt the men I have dated have been lacking, what I, myself might be lacking, where the disconnect might be coming from.
To be truthful, for the first 3 years I was single, maybe even more, I wasn’t interested in getting into a relationship. I married young, at 20 years old, had been married 13 long years, played the role of wife and mother and at the ripe old age of 33 felt like I had lived a century. Being single felt young, free and exciting, full of endless possibilities. It took a long time for that feeling to wear off or at least lose some of its allure. So let’s throw out those first three and a half years and call them my “sowing my wild oats” time. That leaves the most recent 3.5 years. In 3.5 years I haven’t met a single man who I seriously considered seeing on a regular basis, being monogamous with etc? And the answer is – except for the above mentioned close call… No.
I do have a history of dating men once or twice and then never again. Some of my friends have criticized this tactic *cough*Michael*cough* as not giving a guy a chance. But I stand by my cutting it off quickly. I generally always know beyond a shadow of a doubt, by the second date, if we have any chemistry between us. If we don’t, then there is no point extending it any further. The longer I date someone wrong for me, the harder it is to break it off with them without someone getting hurt.
So I continue looking. If it took me 100 dates to find the one guy that almost happened, well then I must need to either go on more dates or hopefully increase the quality of dates to where my ratio of 100 dates to one good man improves. Maybe if I do both, I can find another close call that DOESN’T get relocated.
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I can honestly say that if I weren't with the man I am with now, I wouldn't want to be in a long term, committed relationship with anyone. I ALMOST don't want to be in the one I am in.. if that makes any sense. Don't get me wrong, I love this fellow dearly, he is, was and always will be my soul mate, I have loved him since I was a teenager. Only for him would I put up with the crap that comes with our relationship... the squabbles, the finance arguments, just the general "nothing is mine anymore" feeling that comes with living your life with a significant other. All these compromises I have to suffer because I want to continue a relationship with this man... sometimes I can't even tell you WHY I do it... only that I love him enough to put up with it.
ReplyDeleteCount yourself fortunate that you aren't wasting your time with the wrong man... I know you don't miss tripping over work-boots or falling into the cold commode during a 3 am rush to pee! :-)