Bad boys

Well after a few days off at holiday time, I am back again with another addition to the fun and exciting world of Mindy’s life. If you detect a twinge of sarcasm in that statement, I can not say you are wrong. But at least its fodder for amusing commentary and blog postings!

First before the saga begins, I have to say that Friday and Saturday were highly enjoyable. Friday began with lunch with Leslee and Steve, Amy, Connie, Cindy and the munchkins at Route 46. The company was great and the prime rib, jumbo cocktail shrimp and St. Louis style ribs guaranteed my waistband was snug. Some vino later at Connie’s house and lots of girl talk all combined for a nice relaxing day.

Saturday brought fun and excitement, first with an impromptu visit to the movies with Leslee and Steve to see Sherlock Holmes, which I enjoyed very much! Robert Downey Jr. can be the bad boy in my life anytime he so chooses! :)

Later that evening Amy, Ethan, Jim, Dan, Kim and I danced ourselves silly at the Electric Avenue Reunion which took place downtown. Fortunately, having been DD, I didn’t have a hangover or headache, but I woke up so stiff and sore I could hardly move. Muscles I didn’t even know I had voiced their displeasure with my night time escapades. But it was worth it, the evening was so much fun and the age appropriate eye candy abounded! Very rare to find so many good looking men in their 30s and 40s in one locale, I know I drooled myself silly over one particular hot guy there. I think I amused Amy greatly when I asked her if she thought he would mind if I went up to him and squeezed his biceps. Needless to say, I behaved myself (darn it!) and restrained myself from doing it but I WANTED TO!

Ok back to the main subject, Sunday. After a VERY slow morning where I didn’t want to get up or get moving at all… I finally was forced to shower and dress by a very sweet offer from a young man to come down and watch football and have a drink at the hotel bar he works at on I-drive. I let him twist my arm and found myself talked into going despite the tired achy body.

Unfortunately, I watched my broncos take a heartbreaking loss in the last 4 seconds of the game, but the company and drinks were great and I was having a good time all around. (If you ever feel the need for a top notch chocolate martini, I know just the man for the job!)

Then the fun started.

I was sitting at the bar when a married couple came in and sat down, the wife beside me and the husband next to a young man from South Carolina at the other end of the bar. We chatted a bit and the husband bought us all a drink. They had both been drinking prior to coming in to the bar obviously and add two more drinks each in quick succession, well the effects were beginning to show. The wife departed, ostensibly to find the little girl’s room, but she was gone for a long time. The husband moved over by me and we talked for a while and then eventually the wife came back. She moved over to the young man and started talking to him apparently quite…how shall I say it… suggestively?

Feeling the atmosphere around me becoming weird, I took off for the girl’s room myself and when I came back the husband was gone. The bartender told me he left none too happy, as the wife had griped out the husband, accusing him of flirting with me. (Pot calling the kettle black anyone?)

Then from behind me, I hear a “Pssst! Come here!” and I look back over my shoulder and the husband is by the door gesturing me to come over. The bartender whispers to me that the husband is making his move on me, so armed with this information, with great trepidation I go over to see what he wants. Sure enough, I get asked if I want to go find somewhere to “party” with him. Geez Louise! I firmly let him know no-way no-how not for a million dollars! (ok maybe for a million dollars I would, but I don’t think he was offering a million) and went back into the bar to resume my place.

About 5 minutes later, from out of nowhere, the husband comes running into the bar and takes a swing at the young guy, who is still standing in his same spot at the bar chatting with the wife. Shocked out of his mind, the young man staggers up from where he was knocked down to the floor, and a real life bar fight begins, the wife wringing her hands and semi shrieking, tables of drinks suddenly endangered of toppling over, and stunned patrons of the bar all standing around gaping at the spectacle.

I wasn’t quite sure whether to be amused or appalled at the events happening before me, I felt like I was on the scene of a bad TV sitcom. I expected any second for someone to pick up a wooden chair and break it overtop of someone’s head and for the two men bust up a few tables before sliding down the bar on their backs as they grappled like some cheesy saloon scene, but as there were no wooden break-away chairs to be found, no swinging doors for Wyatt Earp to bang open as he entered, and no Miss Kitty in full saloon girl regalia to verbally bitch-slap the fighting men into submission, I guess that was just my imagination going into overdrive at that moment.

Anyway, so that was my excitement for the day. In the end, security was called, the fight broken up without any damage to property or person and seeing that it was rapidly approaching midnight and I had to work this morning, I decided to call it a night. If you had told me that morning that I would be at the scene of and partially the cause of a full blown bar room brawl, I wouldn’t have believed you. Now I know better.

What the %&*$???

Ok, I just couldn’t resist writing a part three about men and their unexplainable behavior. This time its about the one you can’t get rid of.


Let me preface this one by saying I have a couple major online dating profiles, Yahoo personals and Plenty of Fish. Recently a friend told me about another one, OKCupid, so I just signed up on it, as it’s a free one like Plenty of Fish. I am not a paying member on any sites, so for paying sites like Yahoo, I can’t contact anyone on it unless they ARE a member AND they contact me first and give me their email address or instant message ID.

There is this guy who found me on Yahoo personals several months ago. He sent me an email telling me how beautiful I am and how I’m just his type and he couldn’t wait to meet me. No contact info. I can’t reply back, however I can view his profile, which I do with anyone who messages me. I have to be honest. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all, and I’m NOT superficial at all, but this guy had to be one of the ugliest men I have ever seen. I mean REALLY, REALLY ugly! He might be great looking to someone else, and ugly people need love too, but he is not my type. I have zero attraction to him.

Since I have no way of contacting him regardless, I move on and don’t worry about it. A day or two goes by and he sends me another email, yet again telling me how beautiful I am and how he hopes to hear from me. Again, no contact info. A third email arrives the next day, this time he sends his email address. I send him a very nice note saying thank you, and that I appreciate the compliments but I am not interested. He emails me back basically asking why and begging me to reconsider. I don’t answer. I don’t feel like I need to, since I stated I’m not interested and I really don’t want to say “because you’re the ugliest man I’ve ever laid eyes on”, I’m not that mean!

Every day for weeks I got an email from him as if I never had emailed saying no. Then he finds my profile on Plenty of Fish! Now he is emailing me from two different sites. Plenty of Fish is free, anyone can contact anyone for no cost. You can also see when someone has read an email you sent them. He sends me email after email on there, I don’t respond. He finally concludes I’m not interested, sends me an email to that effect, and wishes me well.

By George I think he finally got it! Whoops, spoke too soon, three days later I have another email from him. After a couple weeks of emailing me every day begging and pleading, he finally quit. HOLY COW! Seriously, if I had ever been inclined to give him a shot (which I never was) but if I had, there is no way on earth I would after all that. I mean sheesh, there’s such a thing as being persistent but that’s just downright ridiculous. That was a few weeks ago. And then today, I get an email on this new site, OKCupid. Sure enough, it’s from him. Sigh!

Mixed Signals part 2

I could probably in reality make this subject (not understanding men) a 500+ part series cataloging the ways men send off the strangest, mixed signals and I’ll never truly understand why they do what they do, but for the sake of time and not wanting to bore everyone to death, I will not go there. Instead, I’ll just highlight one more example of how men are inexplicable.

Yesterday I had a really fun day. My local “Cheers” pub, where everybody knows my name, (aka The Black Swan) was having Customer Appreciation Day and I attended. The pub owners made shepherds pie and all the regulars each brought in a side dish to contribute. There was also a live blues jam – just outstanding - and football on the TV, beer specials, and good friends. What a great day!

Not long after arriving, I was trying to direct the bar owner to the channel my football game was on when a man next to me started talking to me. He asked me about the game I wanted to watch (the Bronco’s of course, why would anyone want to watch anything else?) and why that particular game and then he introduced himself to me. His name was Earl, just like the TV show and I asked him if he had lots of misdeeds to atone for.

We stood there and talked for a long time. He was very friendly and outgoing, flirtatious and funny (and tall and kind of cute). More people came in, including people he knew, whom he greeted and introduced me to, but he continued focusing on me and getting to know me. I’m not exactly protesting here. After a while I returned to sitting at the bar with my friends but when people began going through the food line, he motioned me over and asked if I would come sit and eat at the table he and his friend were at, which I did.

I finally asked him how he knew his friend (who was the bar owner’s brother). Here is the aha! moment, the reason for this article… he is dating their sister. Ok, I reassess, was he really flirting with me or just being sociable and outgoing? I generally always assume people are NOT flirting with me but as I thought back on it…he definitely was. No question about it. As the day progressed, he continued flirting with me. Even when I returned to my friends again, each time he would walk by, he would tap me on the opposite shoulder of where he stood by me to make me turn the wrong way to look who was tapping me, he would wink at me, whisper something in my ear, he would find a reason to touch my arm or shoulder and make sure I knew he was there and paying attention to me. Even after his girlfriend showed up, way beyond fashionably late, he continued this.

Am I the only person completely confused by this? Ok so he’s dating her, and that was exactly the words he used, dating. He didn’t say he was seeing her, in a relationship with her, etc. which to me may indicate an early or uncommitted status, but I’m still confused. When I left the bar at the end of the evening, I walked over to the table where his girlfriend and brother and sister were sitting also and said goodbye to all of them, extending my hand to shake his. But no, Earl stood, gave me a hug, again whispered in my ear and said goodbye, never introducing me to his girlfriend at all, who of course was staring at me with a “who the hell is this?” look on her face. I don’t blame her! So it appears I’m not the only one who doesn’t understand men, I think she felt the same.

Does anyone understand??? If you do, please educate me!

Mixed Signals

I will admit, there are times when I just do not understand men at all.  I don't think I'm alone in this either.  Case in point...

I have gone out twice with a man recently.  During our second date he asked me what I was looking for, to get married again, or what?  I told him truthfully and honestly that marriage wasn't at the top of my list.  I'm not ruling it out, but I've been there, done that in the past, got the t-shirt, the whole nine yards.  Instead, I am seeking someone who really adds value to my life in whatever capacity they are there.  I am looking for a  person I want to spend time with, who makes life fun, interesting, exciting.  Someone who is really great to be around.  Pretty clear, right?  He tells me that he is a little afraid of committment, and is concerned about settling in with someone too quickly and really is only interested in casual dating for now and not starting a relationship with anyone. 

This is great!  I do eventually want more with someone, however at this moment, with this man, I am enjoying doing things with him but I am far from sold on him being anything more than a good friend and fun person to be around.  So hey!  Sounds like we are on the same page, right? 

Well thats what I thought, but apparently not.  I got a text today from him, gently chiding me that he is always the one having to contact me first, I don't initiate contact.  And thats a valid gripe, its true, I don't usually.  But thats not the thing I didn't understand.  What I didnt get is this... he said he was ready for the holidays to be over as they slow down the development of new relationships (meaning us).  What relationship????  The relationship you said you werent interested in, weren't looking for?  The one you dont want to start? 

Rather non-plussed I responded with an extremely witty and intelligent "oh yeah?"  Yes, yes, I know, you all are jealous about how well I responded to that.  Thank you, thank you.

He texts me back "Had a great time with you last time...looking forward to much more." 

I can't complain about that response, its flattering and all.  But the "R" word has really thrown me.

So, yeah, men.  Dont really understand them.  Does anyone?   I have more examples of men's inexplicable behavior, I'll go in to more in my next posting.

Who done it?

Its been 27 years since the crime was committed and the statute of limitations has surely passed, yet no one was ever found guilty and no one confessed.  It ranks right up there with the events at Roswell NM and Jimmy Hoffa's whereabouts.  Unexplained, mysterious.  The difference is, this crime was committed right inside my own house, by one of my nearest and dearest.  It remains a shadow of doubt hanging over all of us, a whisper of suspicion that raises its ugly head on occasion, whenever we gather together and alcohol loosens lips or rich food dulls the mental faculties.  Someone invariably brings up the past and the unanswered question teetering on the edge of everyone's tongue gets spoken outloud, and the accusation hurled, "I think YOU were the one who ate all the candy bars!"

It happened when I was 13 years old, and 13 was a really bad year for me.  We were dirt poor and times were really tough.  Suddenly I was a foot taller than everyone else my age and overnight I went from training bra to double D cups.  Traumatic!  As if Junior High isnt hard enough already, I also had to stay home each morning to babysit my younger siblings while my mother worked, cleaning the local movie theater.  I was chronically late to school because of this and the principal wasnt very sympathetic.  My aunt and her two obnoxious children had just moved out after living with my family for over a year while she went through a messy and costly divorce.  And to cap it off, my grandfather, to whom I was particularly close, died in May. 

After all we had been through, my parents decided we needed to take a vacation and get away from it all.  We couldn't afford much but we were going to go camping at Lake Powell in Utah.  We were going to take two big tents and stay in a campground at the lake edge.  In preparation, Mom and Dad began to stockpile supplies, knowing it would take a while to be able to afford all the equipment and paraphernalia we would need for the trip.  One of the "necessary" items we needed were a lot of candy bars, for the long road trip each way.  I think Dad bought somewhere in the neighborhood of thirty-five or forty candy bars, which he put into a brown paper bag and stored in the freezer awaiting the trip.  A couple months passed and after much hard work and saving, we were ready to go on our trip!

While we were packing all our clothes, goods, and equipment, Dad pulled out the brown paper sack from the freezer.  It looked impossibly small.  He opened it up and there, at the bottom of the bag were three small candy bars.  That was all.  He searched the freezer for a different sack because obviously that wasn't the right bag.  But there was no other sack full of candy bars in the freezer.  This had to be it.  All of us kids were in the kitchen helping pack, so he asked us if we knew what had happened to the candy bars.  No one spoke up.  Individually he asked each one of us again if we had eaten them or knew what had happened to them.  Still negative.  A familiar feeling of dread rose in my stomach and made me nauseous.  Dad started to get angry when no one would own up to eating the candy bars, and I know I was the prime suspect.  Being the oldest has its disadvantages at times!

Dad went around and around with me, alternately threatening and cajoling, trying to get me to confess or trip me up in my story.  Both of my parents pled with me to "just tell the truth", assuring me that no one would get mad if I admitted I took the candy bars.  I denied it bitterly and my parents admitted that, normally, if I had been the one who ate the candy bars, they surely would have found the wrappers lying around the house or in the trashcan in my room.  I wasn't a particularly devious child, nor a tidy one either.  Mom and Dad asked my cousins, who still spent a large amount of time at our house but they had no clue.  They asked other family members who visited often, but none of them had any explanation.  The more people denied knowing where the candy bars disappeared to, the more everyone wanted to know what had really happened. 

Could Dad have been mistaken about where he put the candy bars?  Could he have bought quite a few less than he remembered?  Could they have been thrown out by mistake?  Could one of us have eaten them while sleepwalking and not known it?  Could a thief have broken in the house and left everything else untouched but the candy bars?  The theories got wilder and more outrageous as time went on.

Eventually we let the enquiry fade and went back to our everyday lives.  But the mystery just wouldn't let go.  The longer we went without any reasonable hypothesis and the more ridiculous the suppositions that were offered up became, the more everyone wondered what really happened to the candy bars.  Who was the guilty party?  Soon, anyone innocently eating a candy bar in public risked being accused of being the thief.  Even friends and relatives who couldnt possibly been involved were grilled about their whereabouts during that time frame.  More and more people entered into the spirit of things and added their own lists of suspects including Sirhan Sirhan and Ted Bundy (apparently miraculously coming back from his execution unscathed just for a stash of candy bars) to my personal favorite solution, ala Murder on the Orient Express style, EVERYONE ate them.  To this day, no one has admitted to the crime and no one has been completely exonerated. 

I'm still the prime suspect.  I was the right age at the time to have done such a thing, whereas my siblings were on the younger side, although I wouldn't put anything past my brother Abe, no matter what age!  I may have done it, I may not have, I wouldnt confess now anyway.  To be honest, I hope no one ever does confess, it would be such an anticlimax to the great family joke this has become. What else would we have to tease and talk about around the big dining table at home when we gather together every couple of years over burritos and margaritas and reminisce over those terrible "good 'ol days"?

Trivia Night!

Tonight is my weekly trivia team night.  A group of us play as a team each Wednesday at the Black Swan Pub in downtown Sanford FL as teamname "Chasin' Trivia" - derived partially from Amy being the captain of the team - ergo the movie Chasin' Amy, AND that the team is comprised in its majority of Chase Bank employees.  I am one of the oddballs, a non-Chase employee, in fact I don't even bank at Chase so I'm really on the fringes!  This month we sit currently in third in the points standings, but only 4 points out of second.  I just feel it, tonight we will make our move!  Notice I didnt specify whether that move was to second or fourth :) 

We started playing trivia at Black Swan back in May and the team has slowly morphed into the core group today of Amy, Jeremy, Laura, Jennifer, Trish, Christina and I.  We hope to lure Ethan back to join us soon, and we've acquired and lost a couple other members along the way, but it pretty much remains this core. 

So last month, after all these months of playing together, 7 months of playing trivia each week together, Jeremy looks at me and says "Mimi..." and then asks me a question.  MONTHS of playing together, talking, having fun, doing things in groups of which we are both a part of.  MONTHS I TELL YOU!  And he thinks my name is Mimi!  MIMI???  MIMI????????  My immediate mind went to the Drew Carey show...not a pretty correlation.  I promise, cross my heart, pinky swear, I have never ever ever worn bright blue eyeshadow up to the eyebrows and a bow in my hair, not even in the heart of the 80s!  Ok maybe that one time....  and that other time.....

Some day I may forgive Jeremy for that faux paux.  But not any time soon.  Especially because now my other friends have started calling me Mimi too!  My revenge may be slow in coming, but it will come for you Jeremy!  Oh yes, when you least expect it.... It'll come.

End of a long dry spell

It took long enough!  Since mid August I have had only 2 dates.  That is, until this week!  Finally my dry spell has come to an end. 

Let me back up just a moment and explain.  I was having a rocking social and dating life from the first of the year onward.  Met a cool group of new single friends in my age range who liked to go out and have fun, had a core of possible men to go out with, and things were good.  And then here comes the screetching halt... my oldest son comes in town to stay with me for summer vacation.  Now dont get me wrong, I love it when I have any of my children and there is nothing more important to me in the world.  But it does wreak havok with a budding social and dating life, because when one of my kids is here, my life becomes about them,  24/7.  This phenomenon was explained in advance to all friends and dates so they were not unaware, and they also knew it would only last a period of approximately 7 weeks.  The problem is, once the 7 weeks was over and my son returned back to Texas to resume school, my friends were still there, but the men weren't.  Vanished.  Zippo.  Without a trace.  Ok you get the picture.

As with anything, I said to myself, ok no big deal, I'll just find some new men!  Hmmm.  Easier said than done apparently.  I updated my online dating profiles.  I lingered in the produce section of the grocery store after work.  I started watching my favorite football team at a local busy sports bar.

Nada.

I revisited my online dating profiles and revamped again.  I even reached out and contacted a few men online myself (gasp, horrors! I'd never had to do the actual first contact thing before!), I struck up random conversations with strange men in bookstores who didn't have a ring on the left hand, I went out with larger groups of friends and joined groups online. 

Still nothing.

So I did what any self respecting, stubborn, 40 yr old female in Florida named Mindy would do.  I said "Screw men!" (ha! no pun or innuendo intended)  And I proceeded to focus only on my work and social life with friends. 

Which brings me current to this past week, when suddenly I had emails from my online dating profiles.  Then I was approached at a local restaurant I happened to be picking up a to-go order at by a man who "recognized me" from somewhere.  And I received a phone call from a man I dated once who finally moved to Florida as anticipated and he was now available again to see me for a second date if I wished. 

Where were all these men before?  Did my online presence have to "cure" or ferment?  Ah, why ask questions?  So Thursday I had a date with a man I met online, we went to dinner at Stonewood Grill and enjoyed ourselves tremendously.  And Sunday I had my second date finally with the guy who moved in state.  We went to lunch at Dexters and whiled away a large part of the afternoon being pleased that the initial chemistry from the first date was still there and strong.  And Monday night a very nice gentleman from Melbourne took me to my first Pro Basketball game! 

I think three dates in one week count as breaking that long dry spell, dont you?  They do say when it rains it pours, now if only I can keep a steady drizzle happening...