Now before you start screaming and protesting and telling your personal stories about why I’m wrong…(which I want you to do, don’t get me wrong here!) but before you do, hear me out why I state unequivocally No.
First I want to clarify three things before launching deep into this topic.
#1. I am addressing this topic from a heterosexual viewpoint only. I can tell this blog post is already going to be way too long. If I threw that factor in there also, it might never end.
#2. I am discussing friendships here, not any and every interaction a man and woman may have. Friendships carry the connotation that you like each other and have forged some sort of bond or relationship with each other that entails more than just a passing “hello” or time spent in the same room with a group of mutual acquaintances.
#3. I wholeheartedly believe men and women can be friends without getting sexually involved with each other.
Yes you heard me right on #3, and no, I didn’t just contradict myself from what I said at the top of the page. There is a huge difference between having sexual undertones in a friendship and being sexually involved with each other. You can love chocolate chip cookies and there might be a chocolate chip cookie on the table. But the logic doesn’t follow that you MUST eat the cookie on the table. (unless you are PMS’ing, then we might concede that yes you HAVE to)
Another thing, I didn’t say the sexual connotations in male/female friendships were always mutual. I have had many, many male friends that I wouldn’t even dream of getting naked under the sheets with and find even the thought rather repulsive. But they don’t think the thought of it is repulsive. In fact, quite a few friendships start out that way, where one party is very attracted to the other party, but its completely one sided. In an attempt to “win the other person over” a friendship is formed, and even after all hope of reciprocation is gone, the friendship ties remain.
Think about every opposite sex friend you’ve ever had. I am one of “those” types of girls who has always gravitated more towards male friends than female friends so I have a big pool of opposite sex friendships to examine. I have been friends with married guys, single guys, older guys, younger guys, and everything in between. But with every single one of them, there is something about that person that I find attractive. It may be one person’s wit, common interests that I have with another, and the third’s easy going attitude. But underneath all of them, my estrogen is talking to his testosterone in some fashion and our chemistry allows our personalities to mesh in a way where we enjoy our interactions together.
It’s a natural thing. Little girls form bonds with their daddies and little boys gravitate towards their moms. It’s the most natural, sweetest, most innocent form of sexual attraction at its finest. And that sexual chemistry affects us in every opposite sex relationship we have. Sometimes the chemistry is so faint its almost non existent, and sometimes it’s so strong other people in the same room can feel it between you. The stronger it is, the harder it is to not “eat the cookie.”
Well, I’ve stated my case. I don’t feel like you can ever completely remove the estrogen/testosterone chemical reaction from the friendship. But a bigger question to me is…why would you even want to?
As an aside…
Most people have never heard one of my favorite songs from musician Lou Reed, its called My Love is Chemical…
When I see the way you paint your lips
and I smell your perfume
when I see the brand new color
that you've dyed your hair, too
I know, you know, it's more than physical
My love, my love, my love, love is chemical
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